Bring Iraqi Information Minister to Wall Street (é um mimo)
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Bring Iraqi Information Minister to Wall Street (é um mimo)
Flack attack
Find Saddam, but bring Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf to Wall Street.
The future of al-Sahhaf
Commentary: Iraqi would be great corporate flack
By David Callaway, CBS.MarketWatch.com
Last Update: 12:07 AM ET April 10, 2003
SAN FRANCISCO (CBS.MW) - Forget Saddam. Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf is the man who needs to be found safely -- and then transported to Wall Street.
The hilarious Iraqi flack, who contended with a straight face earlier this week that U.S. forces were committing suicide at the walls of Baghdad while coalition tanks roared past him, is just the ticket to restore confidence in scandal-plagued corporate America.
With his arrogant confidence and spectacular turn of phrase, Sahhaf would add style and flair to the otherwise dull world of corporate public relations, which has devolved over the last few years into nothing more than a series of "off the records" and "no comments."
Imagine Sahhaf representing Microsoft (MSFT) in its anti-trust battle with the U.S. government.
Q. Reporter: Mr. Sahhaf, does Microsoft intend to appeal the federal judge's decision that it was in fact, a monopoly.
Sahhaf: Decision, what decision? Don't make me laugh. There has been no decision. The government's lawyers are criminal dogs. They should be hit with shoes. At this moment God is grilling their stomachs in hell for challenging our monopol...er, company.
Or the Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) proxy battle?
Q. Reporter: Do you have the institutional votes to defeat Walter Hewlett's dissident campaign to stop the Compaq takeover?
A. Sahhaf: Of course we do, and if you doubt me you are sick in your mind. These dissident shareholders are nothing but the spittle of camels in the wind. I brush them from my sleeve like the caked mud on the frightened swine. Once we win the vote they will be butchered at the walls of the company and left to rot as a warning to other promoters of your foolish corporate governance.
Or the AOL Time Warner merger?
Q. Reporter: Do you think this merger will hurt AOL (AOL) shares?
A. Sahhaf: AOL shares are a gift from God to the people of this country. They will rise like the glorious eagle for all time, and those who question them or short them will hang from the Gates of Dulles like the hordes of mercenaries who came before them. Go down? How can they go down? They will only go up. I can tell you that because I am here at the Ministry of Information. You can't argue with that. Don't even try.
And of course, the collapse of Enron (ENRNQ).
Q. Reporter: Did your senior executives cook the books and manipulate the California energy markets?
A. Sahhaf: I say to you now, Enron has never been in California. This is part of their sick minds out there. These are lies from the superpower of villains that run that state. Even now they are falling into the sea by the thousands while our stock rises and our executives sleep with virgins in the Lincoln Bedroom. We will remain an independent company and will defy the infidels from the SEC who dare to question our earnings. We will never settle, although we might entertain an all-cash offer at a 40 percent premium.
OK, so maybe he wouldn't restore confidence in corporate America. But think of the character he'd add to the existing flock of lies and spin that the media is fed each day. At least investors could have a laugh while they are being manipulated.
Unfortunately, old Sahhaf has suddenly disappeared, and is likely running around the backstreets of Baghdad right now with Saddam's nose in a box, hoping to rebuild his blown up leader like they tried to in Woody Allen's 1970s comedy, "Sleeper."
And if they do find him alive, a war crimes trial is almost surely in his future. I just hope he gets to represent himself.
Find Saddam, but bring Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf to Wall Street.
The future of al-Sahhaf
Commentary: Iraqi would be great corporate flack
By David Callaway, CBS.MarketWatch.com
Last Update: 12:07 AM ET April 10, 2003
SAN FRANCISCO (CBS.MW) - Forget Saddam. Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf is the man who needs to be found safely -- and then transported to Wall Street.
The hilarious Iraqi flack, who contended with a straight face earlier this week that U.S. forces were committing suicide at the walls of Baghdad while coalition tanks roared past him, is just the ticket to restore confidence in scandal-plagued corporate America.
With his arrogant confidence and spectacular turn of phrase, Sahhaf would add style and flair to the otherwise dull world of corporate public relations, which has devolved over the last few years into nothing more than a series of "off the records" and "no comments."
Imagine Sahhaf representing Microsoft (MSFT) in its anti-trust battle with the U.S. government.
Q. Reporter: Mr. Sahhaf, does Microsoft intend to appeal the federal judge's decision that it was in fact, a monopoly.
Sahhaf: Decision, what decision? Don't make me laugh. There has been no decision. The government's lawyers are criminal dogs. They should be hit with shoes. At this moment God is grilling their stomachs in hell for challenging our monopol...er, company.
Or the Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) proxy battle?
Q. Reporter: Do you have the institutional votes to defeat Walter Hewlett's dissident campaign to stop the Compaq takeover?
A. Sahhaf: Of course we do, and if you doubt me you are sick in your mind. These dissident shareholders are nothing but the spittle of camels in the wind. I brush them from my sleeve like the caked mud on the frightened swine. Once we win the vote they will be butchered at the walls of the company and left to rot as a warning to other promoters of your foolish corporate governance.
Or the AOL Time Warner merger?
Q. Reporter: Do you think this merger will hurt AOL (AOL) shares?
A. Sahhaf: AOL shares are a gift from God to the people of this country. They will rise like the glorious eagle for all time, and those who question them or short them will hang from the Gates of Dulles like the hordes of mercenaries who came before them. Go down? How can they go down? They will only go up. I can tell you that because I am here at the Ministry of Information. You can't argue with that. Don't even try.
And of course, the collapse of Enron (ENRNQ).
Q. Reporter: Did your senior executives cook the books and manipulate the California energy markets?
A. Sahhaf: I say to you now, Enron has never been in California. This is part of their sick minds out there. These are lies from the superpower of villains that run that state. Even now they are falling into the sea by the thousands while our stock rises and our executives sleep with virgins in the Lincoln Bedroom. We will remain an independent company and will defy the infidels from the SEC who dare to question our earnings. We will never settle, although we might entertain an all-cash offer at a 40 percent premium.
OK, so maybe he wouldn't restore confidence in corporate America. But think of the character he'd add to the existing flock of lies and spin that the media is fed each day. At least investors could have a laugh while they are being manipulated.
Unfortunately, old Sahhaf has suddenly disappeared, and is likely running around the backstreets of Baghdad right now with Saddam's nose in a box, hoping to rebuild his blown up leader like they tried to in Woody Allen's 1970s comedy, "Sleeper."
And if they do find him alive, a war crimes trial is almost surely in his future. I just hope he gets to represent himself.
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3 mensagens
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